


Shenani-Mikes: Touhou

by TehAuthor



Series: The Shenani-Mikes series [1]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Action, And what ever else that describes this, Basically a harem, Comedy, Death, LEWD, Multi, Romance, Though that's not the main focus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-20 12:34:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19992286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TehAuthor/pseuds/TehAuthor
Summary: The first story of the Shenani-Mikes series, the Mike we follow will unwillingly go into the world of Gensokyo, or better known to us as... The Touhou Project.





	1. Prologue: The Beginning?

**Author's Note:**

> To let everyone know. I had one of my best friends, help me edit this. She's a lifesaver.

Somewhere in a noiseless empty space in… Well, space a young man floats, the silence sickeningly mind-numbing. To a normal human being that is. No, he is far from normal. He is… Oh, what's that word where you have unlimited power like a god?... Oh yeah! Omnipotent! He's omnipotent, that's right. Now you may be wondering, 'Why is a being of unlimited power just floating there doing nothing?' Well, maybe you should read some more before thinking that you bunch of idiots. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Trust me, I am a Professional Idiot, I have a degree in idiocy. But I am getting off track. Let's see who the guy is, shall we? And by we, I mean you. I have a story to write. Now go!

He seems to notice you and looks at whatever direction that seems to make sense to look at.

"Hm? Oh! Hello there!" The young man greeted, pleasantly surprised by the sudden unknown, yet not unwelcome event. "I thought I sensed something like another person (or some people I think,) just floating here! Somehow. Anyways, I haven't had a guest in… Well, I don't think I ever had a guest or guests at all, and you are the first I had since I have appeared one day and started floating here!" The young man smiled a big smile, you know the kind where you can tell it's genuine with how the eyes twinkled?

"I think they know how a genuine smile works, dude."

Oh, and did I tell you he can talk to me?

"I don't think you did. But they do now."

Well even if I did or didn't you would've told them anyways.

"Yes, I would've. Wait… do they even know my name or what I even look like?"

No, let me describe to you what our powerful friend looks like. He is a tall fellow. 5'10 tall to be exact, my friends. Or was it 5'9? Whatever. He has a pale complexion, long brown hair that reaches to the middle of his back, hazel eyes, a bit of a mustache, some scruff at the chin, and an Irish smile. Now for his name? Michael, or Mike if you want to call him that. So all in all: he looks like an average guy with long hair.

"And that's what the main character will be for all the stories."

Pretty much a multiverse with many different Mikes going on many different adventures!

"Well, the reason for the multiple versions of the same character in multiple universes is because the author is a lazy moron who can't be original."

Well, he's not wrong.

"Ok let's get this story moving, I'll take it from here, buddy."

Thanks, man, I'm starting to get a bit tired of writing dialogue for the both of us.

"No problem my friend. Now… how about we watch the start of an adventure?"

* * *

The week had been great for me. Somehow, I won a free plane trip to Japan for three months. THREE MONTHS. Don't know why the contest made the trip three months but whatever. Anyways, Japan's one of the countries I wanted to visit, and I am extremely happy that I was able to do so! What's my name? The people who hear my thoughts even though that's not possible because I like to internally monologue for fun may know. Well, my friends, family, and people in my neighborhood know me by the name of Michael or Mike. Most people would call me that, too. And right now, I am having a great time. My guide is awesome(in my honest opinion), he is able to speak English fluently and without an 'accent' as he calls it. Whatever that means. But right now that doesn't matter. What does matter right now is me going for a walk and taking in the sights of Tokyo, the city I am currently in.

As I am walking on the sidewalk I see some construction workers fixing up the road. One of them looked up from what he is doing and shouted at me. Soon others started doing the same. Of course, I don't what know what they are saying so I smiled and waved to them. It was until then someone spoke English and said: "Look out! There's a hole in front of you!"

"Wha-oah!?" I tripped and fell forward into some hole in the sidewalk, I almost saved myself but ended up banging my head on the edge of the hole and fell into it, ultimately sealing my fate.

As I was falling and although my vision was blurring I could make out some cherry blossoms scattering in the wind. The only word I could get out was a "What? OOMF!" Ouch… The ground thankfully was completely grassy and flat, but it certainly wasn't enough cushion my fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap. Hello everyone as you can tell this is my first story and that I am only a beginner in making this sort of thing. Right now I need any, and I mean ANY type of criticism. Even if it's negative. I'll try to take what you criticized into account to make my stories better. Just a warning though, I'm not gonna be updating like crazy every single day. At best I'll update once a week or if I'm feeling extra inspired, the next day. But I regrettably will have writer's block and possibly not update for a month or more, which probably would happen often. Anyways I'm gonna stop writing and say goodbye for now. Addio~ TehAuthor (PS. The Omnipotent Mike, or Omni-Mike he'll now be called will more or less appear at the beginning and the end of each story.) ((alsoimcrosspostingthis))


	2. A Tale Of How Two Idiots Meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our injured protagonist meets a little flying friend.

I lay there awake and unmoving for a while in what feels like a grassy field of some kind, but I couldn't tell. 'At least I am still conscious... But man, I am in so much goddamn pain right now...' I move my arms and legs to see if anything is broken. Fortunately, they weren't broken and while it hurt, I could move them kinda ok. That's a relief. I look at my clothes to see if they were torn up somehow. Nope, my red (the best color) sweater is still intact along with my black sweatpants. I move my hand to my head to feel for any injuries other than the one from falling and banging it on the edge of that hole. Damn, my forehead has a smallish to biggish cut and is bleeding. 'Well, at least I'm not injured anywhere else.' After that, I lifted myself with my arms to try and sit up to look at my surroundings better. But I could barely do the action since there was a lot of pain shooting up my back suddenly. I stopped trying to sit up to rest a bit. Everything in my back and head hurt so much. This pounding in my head won't go away and the massive pain in my back is a huge and obvious problem. So for now, I opted to look at the sky to search for the hole that I fell through and brought me to this odd place. Soon enough I found it. Now that I look at it, it seems more like a portal, but...

"It's so far away... And it might take a long time too... How will I get back to Japan in time? And more importantly home?" This troubled me. The thought of never seeing my friends and family again was a grim reality to me. Like the thought of having the world I live in about to end and I am the only one to make it to a safe haven but everybody I care about doesn't make it and dies. I sighed.

"I have to get back home or I'll be stuck here for who knows how long." I looked both sides of me to see if there was any civilization or anything, but all I saw were fields, fields, and more fields ('Where the hell did those cherry blossoms come from?') before I gave up and stared at the portal in the sky for a bit longer before I noticed it shrinking.

"Wait, is the portal-hole thing moving away? No... I think it's closing." I rubbed eyes to see if I was both crazy and wrong. Unfortunately, I was both not crazy and right, much to my horror.

"No! Please! Don't close up on me!" I tried getting up but the pain in my back flared up and prevented me from moving too quickly. 'C'mon you stupid body of mine! I have to get up quickly to find a way to get home!' Somehow, through my determination to get back home, I finally got up on my feet. My head was spinning as I did so. I put a hand to my head to steady it. But as I try to shake off the dizziness and looked up, I saw it was too late. The portal was gone. I reached out to where the portal was and cried out.

"NO! DAMN IT! WHY!?" I would've got on my knees and slammed one of my hands into the ground but, I didn't do that for fear of not getting up again. I weakly spoke out.

"No.. why did it have to close up?" I lowered my head in sadness, the blood dripping off my face and onto the ground.

"Hey!"

I lifted my head and looked around me to find the source of the sound. 'Where did that come from?'

"Up here dummy!" I looked up and see the slightly worried face of a short, very lightly tanned, floating girl with aqua hair, cerulean eyes, a blue dress, a blue ribbon on the top of her head, and six crystals floating behind her. Three of those things that give a basic description of the girl seems wrong. More importantly, the girl is floating, has aqua colored hair, and crystals coming from her back.

"I-is this for real?" I stutter.

She seemed confused by my words. She then spoke again.

"What? What the hell does that mean?"

Giving one of my lopsided "NO NEED TO WORRY, EVERYTHING'S A-OK" smiles, I spoke to her "Ok, judging by the fact that you are confused and that I am in immense pain means I am not dreaming." The girl laughed a bit and smiled.

"Well, why would you be dreaming if you are awake and in pain?" I couldn't help but chuckle and smile for real this time. Her smile was contagious and uplifting, but just a little bit though.

"I don't know girly, what if you were asleep but thought you were awake in your dream because it seems so real?" Her smile gone away after I finished my sentence. Worried I said something wrong I was about to apologize but her eyes widened further. Like I gave a revelation of some kind.

"Whoa... I never thought of that before..."

"Well, now you have thanks to me! Now if you excuse me. I have to find somewhere to heal up and rest. My back and head are killing me..." I slowly turned and was about to walk away before she spoke again.

"Wait! I know a place where you can rest!"

I turn to the left to look at her. "Really? You do?"

"Yeah! Trust me, I know this entire place like the back of my hands!" The small floating girl put her hands on her hips, looking like she did something triumphant even though nothing really happened. It was cute.

"Well if you do, then lead the way!"

"Alright! Follow me, injured person!" She zoomed off, leaving me in the dust.

"Uh..."

She then came back and sheepishly smiled, embarrassed that she left me behind.

"Sorry... Forgot you couldn't move all too well." I stared at her for a bit before I started to laugh lightly.

"Heh heh. It's no problem. From how you acted right now, you seem like the type of person to does things without thinking." She narrowed her eyes at me accusingly like I just insulted her right now.

"Are you saying I'm an idiot?" I stare at the blue haired girl confused. When did I even say that she's an idiot?

"No. Where did you even get that? I just said that you pretty much act impulsively. Not calling you an idiot."

"Well, it sounded like you called me one..."

"Oh come on. Even if you were one, I would say I'm a much bigger idiot than you first." The girl looked surprised at my statement of calling myself a bigger idiot than her.

"Well, what makes you a bigger idiot than anyone else here?" She obviously excluded herself from her question. Just to humor her, I gave an idiotic smile to the floaty girl.

"Have you tried not looking where you are going, not listen to the warnings that could save you, trip and fall into a portal thing along with banging your head on the edge of it since it's on the ground?"

"No...?"

"Then you aren't as idiotic than I am. In fact with those wings, you might be smarter than me because you use them. Even though I don't have wings and you probably don't look where you are going too." She looked even more surprised now. I think it's because I said she was smarter than I am. She seemed hesitant before she spoke.

"You think I'm... Smart?"

"If you have more common sense than me in my situation? Then yes, yes you are. Besides I'm a Professional Idiot anyways." I saw the girl smirk a little from my proclamation of being a 'Professional Idiot'. She's probably trying to hold in her giggles from the way she's shaking.

"You're a "Professional Idiot"?"

"That's right! If it's an idiotic thing to do but it's safe? Then I say do it! If it's an idiotic thing to do but it's not safe? Then don't do it. Simple as that. And I'll be the idiot to test those things out!" I see her laughing hysterically now. I decided to wait for her to calm down, even though I was in pain the whole time the exchange went on for. It took her a little while to calm down but, she did.

"Ok... That was funny! You seem like a cool guy! What's your name? And what are you?"

"My name is Michael or you can call me by my nickname, Mike. And what am I? A human obviously!"

"Really?" She seemed oddly intrigued. You're a human?"

"Um yeah. Can't you tell?" The girl rested one of her arms in her hand, leaned into it and looked at me.

"Well... I guess you don't seem to have anything different to make you a yokai, and you have a deep-ish voice and a kinda hairy face, so you can't be a girl..."

"Hold on for a moment there. You thought I was a girl?"

"Umm... I was far away when I first saw you, and you have long hair so... Yes."

"Well... As long as you only make that mistake from that far because of my hair, then it's fine." I laugh. "Anyways... What's your name? It's only fair you give yours since I gave you mine."

"Oh! Yeah! My name is Cirno! Don't you forget it!"

"I won't. Now shall we get going to that place? I'm getting a lightheaded..."

"Yes, we can! Onwards!" We began walking, or in Cirno's case, flying to our destination. Though it might take a while with my injured back, making me move just slightly slower than a slug. Cirno looked back at me as she was in front of me leading the way.

"Hey, can you um... You know... Move faster?" I felt a bit guilty as she said that.

"Trust me I want to. I just don't want to agitate my back any more than I should, so I'm going purposely slow. Sorry."

"It's fine. Don't want you even more hurt, right?" I smiled at Cirno. Feeling a bit better about my current condition.

"Right, let's keep moving." After that was said, we carried on until night fell. I have a feeling this will be an interesting relationship and an eventful adventure if those stories in books or fanfiction have told me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I'm cross-posting. Hope you guys like it. Uh... Addio! - TehAuthor


	3. To The Scarlet Mansion! (yes that's intentional)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two knuckleheads in forms of an injured human and a dimwitted ice fairy join forces to find I comfy place to sleep!

Into the night we traveled from the open fields into a forest that's unknown to only me. While I was being the "slug" as I called myself, I was listening to Cirno's stories of her adventures. Though most of the time it sounds like she wasn't successful and she tries to cover it up with her saying that she was "being nice and let them win". I looked at her and for some stupid reason that only I would know, she never told me what she was, and judging from how those crystals flutter, she could be a fairy of some kind but, I'm not sure. 'Maybe I should ask her...'

"Hey, Cirno? Sorry to interrupt you telling me the tales of your exploits, but can you tell me the species of... Whatever you are? You never told me." Cirno stopped talking and looked at me with a confused eyebrow raised.

"You mean you can't tell?"

"I think I know what you are but, I want you to tell me and confirm it."

"Well, I'm an ice fairy! And a powerful one too!" Cirno struck a pose and gave a confident smile.

I couldn't help but chuckle. She never ceases to make me laugh in the past few hours or so. "So cute..."

She looked shocked at my calling of her being cute. "W-w-what did you say?!"

"Hm? What's wrong?"

With a pink blush on her face, she pointed an accusatory finger at me. "Y-y-you called me cute!"

I looked at her finger, then back at her. "Is there a problem with me calling you cute? I mean during the whole time I traveled with you, the way you act, how you just lit up when you talked about your adventures, and with how small you are. Anyone in their right minds would agree that you are just downright adorable right now."

As Cirno's pink blush turned full on red, she put her hands on her face very embarrassed that I called her cute. She quickly took her hands off her face, grabbed my sweater, and started yelling at me.

"Stop calling me cute! I'm not cute! And I'm not adorable! I'm the best and most awesomely badass fairy of all time!"

I held up one of my arms in defense and the other on the side of my head. "Alright, alright. I'll stop calling you cute and adorable. Just stop yelling you'll make my headache a bit worse. Please."

Cirno lets go of my sweater. "Thank you... And I'm sorry for yelling when you have a headache."

"You're welcome, I guess." I look up at the starry moonlit sky. "You sure you know where we are going is where we could sleep comfortably?"

"Well, the place we are going to will have nice beds to sleep on! At least I think we're going the right way..."

"Hm." I say nothing else after that because frankly, I'm not good at making conversations. Even though it may not look like it with how I'm talking with Cirno.

We kept walking through the forest with nothing, in particular, happening until a glint of something shiny caught my eye.

"Huh? What's that?"

"What's what?"

I turned my head to look at the shiny thing. 'And if it's shiny, that must mean it's good.' With that logic in mind I walk toward to the sparkling object. Cirno followed as well obviously. As we got closer to it, the item was now identifiable.

"It's a silver pocket watch with a case alongside it. Why's this here? Did someone lose it?"

"Why is there a pocket watch out here?"

"I don't know..." I looked around the area before looking to the sky. 'It's a small and open area. And The moons in the perfect spot for the pocket watch to glitter in its light. This could only mean one thing...'

"It's a plot device." I whispered out my genius answer.

Cirno looked confused from hearing me say that. "What? What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing, just me being a dummy. Now could pick up the watch and its case for me, please? I would but... You know."

"Alright, I mean it's nice to know the time right?" Cirno went to pick up both of the things I asked for and handed them over to me. I looked at what time it is.

"Hmm. Since it's night we can safely assume it'll be in the post meridiem soooo... It's 10:28 pm. It's kinda late but we can keep moving."

"Alright! Let's keep moving! Follow me!"

I close the pocket watch, put it back in its case, put it in my pocket and followed Cirno. After walking for a bit more we stumbled upon a mansion of some sort with a wall surrounding it. There seems to be only one gate to the mansion.

"Well! It seems you lead me to somewhere pretty good! I have to say you did a pretty good... job?" I looked at Cirno and she seemed to be frightened and didn't move.

"Cirno? You ok?" I asked her waving my hand in her face. She snapped out of her terror-filled paralysis and looked at me. She grabbed my left arm and pulled gently, not to put me in more pain.

"Wrongplaceletsgofindsomewhereelseandsleeponthegroundsincethatsmuchsafer!" I was baffled by Cirno's behavior. Where in the hell did the brave and amazing Cirno that she projected herself to be, go?

"Whoa whoa whoa! What's wrong? And why are you acting like that?" She looked at me again with fear filled eyes.

"That's the Scarlet Mansion! It's a dangerous place and I don't want to die today!" The air started to get a tiny bit chilly.

"Ok but, I think we should try to at least ask before we pass this place up completely." Cirno's eyes widen and the air somehow got colder. Only a tiny bit more.

"ARE YOU CRAZY!? WE'LL DIE BEFORE WE EVEN GET INSI-!" I slapped my free hand on her mouth before she could yell anymore.

"Ok, One: Stop yelling my head hurts more now. Two: Let go of my arm. And three: We'll be fine since I have a plan!" After I finished what I had to say I took my hand off Cirno's mouth and she let go of my arm and looked at me with an unsure stare.

"You have a plan?" She said that uneasily.

"Yep! All I have to do is say that I'm from some some rich family and that my mom taught me how to do things like sneaking and taking things of use." Cirno still seemed unsure, she looked around to probably see if anyone was around before looking at my freed arm.

"Oops..."

"What?" I looked at my now frozen left arm. "Oh. Ok." Surprisingly, this doesn't hinder me at all.

"What do you mean ok? I was panicking and froze your arm by accident..." I shook my head in amusement.

"That's what it is, right? An accident. Besides even though it looks like it's frozen it certainly doesn't feel like it and for some reason, it gives a pleasant coolness to my arm." She tilted her head, confused.

"Wait really?"

"Yeah, really. In fact... I bet I could break free of the ice if I move my arm around."

"Then do it. I wanna see you break the ice I created by moving your arm." I did as Cirno said and moved my left arm around. Miraculously the ice just shattered to pieces. I stared at my arm.

"Huh, neat." 'I can't believe that actually worked. How the hell did the ice that was made by what I assume is magic just shatter so easily?' I looked up from staring at my arm to see Cirno looking at me in amazement.

"That was awesome! How did you do that?" She took my arm to inspect how I could've easily broken the ice...

'Oh my god. There is so many bad puns I could use around her. This is great. I have to use one now!' "Ahem." Cirno looked up from my arm to look me in the face. "Hm?" I readied myself to use a bad pun.

"I guess you could say I'm good at... 'Breaking the ice'!" She stared at me before she broke out into giggles. 'Aw yeah, Cirno is someone that will like my bad puns.'

"Pfft hahaha! That was pretty good!" She kept on laughing.

"Well there will be more where that came from! Anyways, let's get moving on with the plan, alright?" Cirno took a little bit to calm herself from laughing. While I did lift her mood a bit, she still looked a bit uneasy but ready nonetheless.

"Ok... Let's go and... Hopefully not die." We ventured to the gate and saw a red-haired woman in green clothing standing next to the gate. 'Wait. Did I miss her when I was looking at the place?'

"Cirno, who's that?" I whispered a question to my companion. She tilted her head, probably trying to remember who this lady was.

"Ummm. I forget but... I think she's the guard so no one can go through, and I think she guards the gate in the day..."

"Then shouldn't that mean she should be home while someone else takes her place?"

"I don't know! I stay away from this place ok?"

"Ok... Let's get a bit closer to see if she has the keys on her." Cirno nodded and we quietly went closer to the woman. As we got closer and to the side, she had the keys on her. How lucky!

"She has the keys! Now all we need to do is take them, use the right one on the gate and put it back quietly. Simple!" I whispered to Cirno. She gulped quietly and I went to take them. I had to be even more quiet than I already am. 'And that's pretty quiet for someone like me. Even though it may not look like it.' Gently grabbed the keys and lifted them off the red haired guards person. Still didn't make a sound. Then I quietly went to the front of the gate and looked for the right key. Fortunately the fancy looking one that I used first was the right one. But as I opened the gate it squeaked. Fearfully I look over to the guard. She's still sleeping, good. Quickly as I can, I opened the gate just enough for me to slide through and close it, squeaking as I did so. I tried to look to see if the guard was still sleeping, and thankfully she was. Finally I beckoned Cirno over and she floated to me.

"Ok, I want you to be extremely quiet and use this fancy looking key to lock the gate, put them back on the guard, and float over the fence. Ok?" She looked at me before giving me a shaky nod and taking the keys by the fancy one. She locked the gate and went over to the guard. She put them back but it sounded like the guard was going to wake up... Nothing. I look up and see Cirno float over the fence and to me. Once everything was done, we quickly and quietly went closer to the mansion.

"Holy shit that was way to close. But we did it. Man, my heart is pounding, it's like it's trying to get out of my chest." I place a hand over my chest.

"I thought we were gonna die! But we didn't!" Cirno was looking at her shaking hands.

"Yeah! And you know what?" She looked up from her hands and at me.

"What?"

"This will be a story to tell everyone how you infiltrated the Scarlet Mansion and lived!" Her eyes widened when I told her how she will tell a story of how she survived the mansion.

"You're... Right! I mean, I'm a badass that fears nothing! And if I can stay a night in the Scarlet Mansion and live... I should have nothing to fear after that!" Cirno looks happy of conquering the fear of staying at the Scarlet Mansion. "Nothing will stop me after this!" Cirno struck a pose of confidence.

"That's the spirit! Now can ask for one more thing before we go?"

"Ask ahead my fellow thrill seeker!"

"Since I can still move freely after you freeze me... Can you put a thin layer of flexible ice on my back to help with the searing pain in it?" She stopped posing and looked at me.

"Um I can try." I turned around let Cirno do her magic. 'Another pun I can use!' She started freeze my back in a thin layer of flexible ice. After she was done I felt a lot better than how I've been the past hours how I got here. I bent forward to test my back by reaching to down to my feet, and to my surprise, I was able to touch my toes. I stood back up fully again.

"Wow Cirno, you really... 'worked your magic'?" Cirno started to giggle a bit from my pun.

"Ok enough shenanigans, right Cirno?"

"Right! Let's go into... The Scarlet Mansion!" With that said we walk towards the front of the door and I opened it. But a thought appeared in my head and left quickly as I did that.

_'Why was that so easy?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated on this platform. Gotta really work on this story more... Oh well. When you get stuff that messes with your sleep schedule you really can't work on it too well. That and personal problems as well. Whatever. Hope you guys enjoyed this. - TehAuthor


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